Unreasonable
by morningglassofOJ
Summary: Remus may have lost control a bit at the Yule ball, embarrassing himself and Sirius. Sirius wants to talk, but with Remus thwarting all his attempts, this is set to be a very long Christmas holiday. Sirius/Remus Rated T for minor drunkeness and m/m romance.
1. Chapter 1

Looking back, he wasn't quite sure, exactly, _why _he'd done it.

Granted, he'd had quite a bit of punch in him and, ergo-thanks to Prongs-quite a bit of firewhiskey, but he was usually able to hold his liquor impeccably well-for a teenaged boy, he supposed-so he had ruled out the effects of alcohol

He was usually a good deal more apt to do these sorts of things around the full moon, the week before to be specific. But, the full moon had passed four days prior and, though he was quite sore, he could give very little credit to the moon for his actions.

Perhaps it had just been the atmosphere of the place. He wasn't usually very enthusiastic about school dances, but something about the Yule ball seemed just so…_infectious._ The great hall had been decked out in its entire yuletide splendor, if not a touch more elegant than usual, and the mood in the room practically oozed holiday cheer, but not in an overdone or forced sort of way. Everyone would be leaving for Christmas holiday the day following tomorrow so, in a way, it was the last time they'd see each other before break as tomorrow would be filled with nothing but packing and brewing hangover potions. But even the atmosphere could not be blamed for Remus' behavior that night.

No it was not the alcohol or moon or some gut-feeling that anything was possible, because he certainly did not have the last one. It was Sirius, as it usually was when Remus mused over the beginnings of most of his problems. It was Sirius who had befriended him and led to his eventual "outing" of his lycanthropy. It was Sirius who had shown him how fun pranking could be and helped him defile his perfect school record. It was Sirius who had almost let him kill a man; it was Sirius who had worked his way back into Remus' heart by reminding him he shouldn't be ashamed or afraid or resented purely because he was a werewolf. And it was Sirius who had been standing off to the side, slouched gracefully against the wall in the darkest corner of the great hall, looking far too handsome for his own good.

Remus had long ago come to terms with the fact that he was gay. He always had been, always would be and he doubted very highly that he could either control or change that fact. What he thought he _could_ control though had been who was subject to the effects of that fact. None of his friends knew he was gay, though he didn't make an effort to conceal it nor indulge it so they technically had no hints either way and, based on his apparent taste in men, he intended to keep it that way until he got his feelings under control. Unfortunately, he had found that no matter how hard one tries, it is very difficult not to like Sirius Black.

It was also a bit painful to hide at times, but this was a necessary evil, driven home yet again as he watched the un-ebbing flow of girls that made their way over to Sirius to be chatted up and then dismissed, feeling as if they had almost scored with the famed player. Remus scoffed at their naivety as they departed, giggling and marveling at their "luck" to have caught the great Sirius Black without a conversation partner. However, he then evaluated himself-slumped at a table on the opposite side of the great hall, lonely, and making no effort to enjoy himself at all except by taking the occasional sip of his spiked beverage. Realizing he had no reason to judge they who were actually taking advantage of the aforementioned factors-and that he really should be scoffing at his own foolishness-he downed the rest of his punch in one gulp and rose to totter drunkenly over to the punch bowl, which rested on a table conveniently close to Sirius' corner.

Of course, deep down Remus knew that if any night were the night to confess to his friend, tonight would be it. Though he knew he would be alone for the next two weeks with Sirius due to the holidays, he also knew that he could retreat to the library and hide for the remainder of the break if all did not go well. Sirius would also be well distracted by his feelings for his family around this time of year, as he had only been disowned last year, in their fifth year at Hogwarts. So he likely might ever forget that Remus had said anything to him regarding feelings at all.

Right as he reached the punch bowl, the newest song by the Twisted Sisters came on courtesy of their DJ, and Sirius' cloud of girls rushed, squealing, to the dance floor. Despite a few misplaced attempts, Sirius was not dragged unceremoniously along with them as Remus had expected and instead, crossing his arms in the carefree way that always made Remus' heart flutter, grinned and chuckled as he watched them all dance and sing along eagerly.

Something about finally seeing Sirius alone made something in Remus just completely quit working properly, which was the only excuse he had for what he did next. He wished he could look back and say Sirius had searched the crowd and his eyes locked on Remus', beckoning him to the secluded corner, but he didn't. he also wished he had been just a squick more drunk, and could have passed it off as Christmas spirit, augmented by alcohol. Or maybe just passed out in general. But he didn't.

Instead, as he watched Sirius watching them, his buzzed mind burned with jealously and he strode purposefully-to the best of his ability-over to his friend. Sirius didn't even notice his approach until he was less than five yards away, and he looked up in a way that wasn't quite disappointed, but maybe a bit worried though definitely not cheery. "Something I can help you with, mate?" he asked in a tone that Remus could almost describe as motherly. He ignored the question though and walked right up to Sirius, clasping his face in his hands and crushing their lips together. Sirius didn't gasp in surprise, though he subconsciously opened his mouth into the kiss, complying with Remus' demands. Though he wasn't pulling away in disgust, Remus also noticed that he wasn't necessarily returning the kiss either. Remus pulled away and dropped his hands, surveying the look on Sirius' face.

Though he was usually very good at reading expressions, this one was so muddled that he couldn't even begin to fathom Sirius' feelings at the moment. It was mainly shock, obviously, but it also amused to see serious Remus looking so disheveled. But Sirius' countenance was so close to falling, like a man teetering on the edge of a cliff, not yet sure whether he should jump or not, that Remus knew he'd made a mistake. He knew exactly what the expression would fall to if Sirius let his guard down: disgust.

Just then, the song ended and the gaggle of girls began to make their way back over to Sirius, so Remus did all he could think of; he fled. He didn't even wait long enough to hear if Sirius was calling for him to come back; he didn't care. Though no one had seen, thank Merlin, he was thoroughly humiliated and doubted he would be able to look Sirius evenly in the eye for the next few weeks, perhaps months, maybe years. He sprinted all the way back to the Gryffindor common room and didn't slow until he had reached the landing outside the Marauders' shared dorm. He rushed in and prepared for bed as quickly as humanly-or inhumanly, he supposed-possible before crawling into bed and snapping the curtains shut around him. Curling into a ball under his covers, he prayed the others would leave him alone and tried to be as small as possible, though he doubted it would make him any harder to find.

After about a half hour had passed, all three remaining marauders stumbled into the dorm, Peter and Sirius supporting a very drunk James by the sounds of their labored wheezing and his mindless babbling, followed by the groan of his bed springs as he was flung onto his bed. James was faintly singing some love song or another, though it was hardly recognizable except that Remus could occasionally make out various lyrics about loving Lily every now and then. The other two chuckled at their friend before shuffling off to their respective beds.

"I guess Moony turned in early as usual, eh, Sirius?" Peter joked. Sirius made a startled sound that he just barely contained before clearing his throat and replying, "Yeah, uhm, he came up to me a while ago. Said he was bored, tired, wanted to study, still sore from the full moon y'know. The works." All this came out as a jumbled mess, though Peter didn't seem to notice. "We should probably quiet down y'know, so he can sleep. He needs his rest and we all do y'know? And all the other Gryffindors are trying to sleep as well. And James is already asleep so we should follow his lead or we might wake him up. And Remus." It was easy to tell Sirius was shaken, and judging by the silence he knew Peter was probably giving him a funny look.

"Are you all right, Padfoot?" he asked after a long pause. "What? Yes I'm fine, just a bit tired and all. We should quiet dow-" "Sirius I wasn't talking, don't tell me to quiet down again." "Oh, right. I was just-" "_Goodnight_, Sirius" Remus heard Sirius sigh nervously before replying, "Goodnight, Peter" he heard the faint squeak of bed springs and they settled in, and then silence.

Before long he heard the loud and drunken snores of Peter and James. Though Sirius didn't normally snore, Remus could still tell he was awake and knew Remus was awake and knew that Remus knew both of these things. He could practically feel Sirius' eyes trying to bore holes in the drapes surrounding Remus' bed. He sighed and rolled over so that his back faced Sirius. Sirius was never like this, never so flustered and bad at lying, and Remus knew without a doubt there was a reckoning coming for him once James and Peter left for the holiday.


	2. Chapter 2

a/n: I'm so sorry it took me so long to update. My mother and i had a bit of a spat over the pairing I'm writing about. Some things were said, and unfortunately it left me with a bit of a nasty writer's block. Either way, I'm not entirely pleased with this chapter, but it's the only thing i could bring myself to publish and if it's not satisfying, please let me know; I'll be happy to change it. Unless the suggestion is like super flamey or insulting:)

Oh, P.S. Thoughts are in italics.

* * *

Sirius heard Remus' sigh as he shifted in bed, and wished his curtains weren't so tightly drawn. Which way was he facing? Was he looking at Sirius? If he could see anything, even just his hand or knee-maybe even just his pinky toe- he wouldn't feel nearly as uneasy.

He wouldn't be left with so many questions.

But at least it was comforting that he wasn't the only one awake, though it was hard to tell with Peter and James' snores echoing throughout the stone chamber. He knew Remus, and even if he hadn't had the most confusing and stressful and exhausting night he'd still be awake. On nights they both couldn't sleep, Sirius remembered he'd always climb into Remus' bed, especially the weeks right after he'd been disowned, because shameful as it was, he would've cried himself to sleep if Remus hadn't kept him talking. Seeing as he didn't hold any love for any of them at all, he had been loathe to admit to James or Peter how he felt, but he hadn't had to admit to Remus. Remus just knew.

_What would he do if i crawled in with him right now? _He knew Remus was confused-he was confused as well- but would that keep him from treating Sirius like he usually did? He opened his mouth a few times to ask, but closed it right away. He didn't even know if he wanted to actually be welcome in Remus' bed or just wanted to know that he **would** be. Best for him to gather his own thoughts before asking for Remus'.

He rarely approached things logically, unlike Remus who would think about decisions for weeks if he was left alone long enough, but he sincerely doubted Remus would be pleased if he wanted to jump in headfirst to his exploration of the subject and think later. Especially right now when he was most likely trying very hard to fall asleep. But, given no other options, he supposed he could be semi-content to just think for now.

He could probably ask Remus why he had done it. But he supposed he didn't really need to know why as much as what effect it would have on the two of them. Or maybe not the effect on both of them as much as the effect on him. or maybe not even what the effect was so much as why it was affecting him so much. He was the unflappable Sirius Black, and it had just been a kiss, hadn't it?

Of course it was just a kiss, and not the best one ever either. Sure, Remus had done some fantastic things with his tongue and when their teeth clicked once or twice it had been like lightening down his spine but that doesn't mean it was any good. After all, he was straight. He just spent an entire night flirting with girls, trying to get a quick snog in a corner at least. One mildly brilliant kiss wouldn't change that. Even if he did occasionally find himself watching Remus more than James or Peter-Peter was too chubby for his taste anyway and James was too much taller to comfortably and casually observe-and even now was still pondering the merits of climbing in bed with Remus. He was just a snuggler and that meant absolutely nothing.

Even if he had been a tad disappointed when Moony broke the kiss and ran off that meant less than nothing. After all, he was probably a victim of raging hormones and a little too much alcohol. He was entirely prone to irrational feelings.

But Remus had looked so...broken when he had pulled away, so uncertain and exhausted, it had pulled at Sirius' heart more than any lewd comment by the girls he conversed with ever did. But that was just concern for a friend who had had too much to drink, after all. In fact, he had been so worried about Remus that he had left the crowd of girls he was chatting with, and hung out with James and Peter the rest of the night. And if it had been so painful to see Remus' curtains drawn when they came upstairs that he began spewing airheaded nonsense, it was no indicator of his more than friendly feelings.

Of course, he would have to teach Remus how to kiss better before he released him into the world. It probably would have been better had he joined in. He had been so shocked-a good shock, of course. He was pleased to see Remus finally cutting loose and having fun-that he didn't even think to respond. They might have to try it again. After all it wasn't like they didn't both want to.

_Wait where did that come from? _Sirius refused to address those peculiar thoughts before moving on, but was not pleased with where they went instead. For some reason he found himself rethinking over all of his excuses. It was like the shameful proofread of a history of magic essay after staying up until the odd hours of the morning writing cockamamie analyses of various goblin wars: in short, painful.

Remus running off had led to him abandoning his search to hang out with his lovesick friend and his scared-of-his-own-shadow friend, eventually carrying the former up seven flights of stairs. All the while, he was left wishing Remus hadn't run off, feeling his lips and marveling at what had taken place. His heart had been fluttering and he kept thinking of Remus' face and his soft, brown eyes that were always calmly taking in information. Try as he might to deny it he had felt **something** which hadn't been felt because of a girl. If he had really wanted a snog or more he could have asked **any** of the girls surrounding him. But he had been waiting for that spark, for that lightning that flashed down his spine when Remus kissed him, and it just wasn't there in all those girls.

Sirius sat bolt upright, a gasp caught in his throat causing him to cough. When he got a hold of his ragged breathing, he rested his head in his hands and brought his knees to his chest. _Holy fuck, I'm gay._

After a while, his breathing slowed and he laid back down, eyes once again fixed on Remus' curtains, willing them to open, but he could faintly hear Remus' even breathing beneath the snores of the others and knew he was asleep. _Is this why Remus always thinks instead of acting?_ He mused over how much more efficient it was than his other methods of dealing with unknowns, eyes still fixed on where he supposed Remus lay. Vaguely, he heard him mumble and roll over in his sleep, and for a moment he was breathless. _Merlin, he's so cute._ He froze, then groaned and rolled over on his back. A minute ago he had been stubbornly straight and now he was calling his best mate **cute**? "Good gods, Remus. We really need to talk." he whispered to the air before finally falling into a fitful sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Remus was gone when he woke up. Of course he was, he was Remus; if he could survive agonizingly painful transformations every month on the full moon, a hangover wouldn't keep him from going to the library.

Sirius, on the other hand, had a splitting headache and felt like his throat had sealed shut over night it was so dry. If he thought he could've, he would've gone back to bed, but with James and Peter's snores attempting to break the sound barrier he wasn't too inclined to try. So, going against all of his basest instincts, he shakily rose and dressed before stumbling to the bathroom. He ignored his lacklustre appearance in the mirror and set to splashing water on his face. After all, it was very important that he find Remus. He wasn't sure why-he wasn't awake enough to process thoughts just yet-but he knew one thing; Remus would be in the library.

The common room was mercifully quiet when he got down the stairs, and the couches by the fire were calling out to him in his sleepy, hungover state. But that nagging part of him still insisted that he find and talk to Remus. Sirius shook himself and resumed his tromp to the library. The rest of the castle was almost deserted as well and, upon checking his watch, Sirius was shocked to find that it was only just then eight o'clock. Vaguely muttering about getting this over with, he sped up and was at the doorway to the library in less than five minutes, still clueless as to what was so important that it brought him there

His eyes searched the nearly empty library and found Remus, curled up in his usual spot between the last shelf and the wall dividing the main library from the restricted section, reading, as was to be expected. The sight of him so relaxed brought all of all of Sirius' memories back in a whirlwind and very nearly knocked the wind out of him. The shock of the flood of information elicited a barely audible gasp which caused Remus to look up from his book curiously. Sirius cursed and ducked out of the doorway just in time to escape his notice. Once out of sight, he leaned back against the wall and slowly sank to the floor, surprised to find how heavily his heart was pounding. Just like last night, he sat there, struggling to regain his breath-and his composure-as the revelations of the previous night threatened to overwhelm him once more.

_Maybe I should take some time, think this through first and come to terms with this before I try explaining it to someone else,_ he thought before sighing and reminding himself that it wouldn't-no, couldn't-work that way. Remus deserved an explanation, however jumbled and confusing it might be, and he needed to talk about it out loud if he were ever to understand it himself.

Groaning lightly, he rose to his feet, thanking Merlin that at least he was lucid now. It would be hard enough to explain if he didn't fully understand what was going on himself; It would be much worse if he suddenly started babbling nonsense and then fell asleep as well as he was prone to do on early mornings. He made his way over to Remus as quietly as he could, which wasn't very quiet considering, and Remus looked up once again at the sound. For a moment his face was overcome with panic before he visibly clamped down on his emotions and a mask of indifference came up instead.

"Sleep well, Padfoot?' he asked a little too calmly. Still a bit moody from his early awakening and consequent headache, Sirius plopped down rather ungracefully next to him and insisted, "None of that, Moony, we need to talk." Remus sighed and reluctantly closed his book. "All right. You first." Sirius opened his mouth to start and unfortunately the courage brought on by the annoyance of a moment ago had left him and he no longer had the ability to voice his thoughts properly.

_Well, Moony, I've done a lot of thinking-yes, thinking, I thought you'd be impressed- and I've come to the realization that I'm gay. Incredibly gay. For you. And I like you. A lot. And I think we should do stuff. Together. Like anything. Kissing, Hogsmeade visits. Pranking. Studying. Except we do a lot of that together already. So we should do a lot of kissing. Like last night. I liked last night a lot. Except when you ran off, y'know. Could we do that again? Without the running off, though._ As that raced through his head, he was glad none of it came out. But he was not necessarily pleased with what did, either. "Ah...uhm...you-uh...I mean, I...Last night was...Interesting..." Mentally, he slapped himself. _Interesting? That's the best you can do, you tosser? That is the worst word possible!_

Remus huffed and moved to collect his things, "You don't have to say it Sirius. I'm sorry about what happened," He said dryly, with very little emotion, "and I promise it won't happen again. Let's just forget this ever happened; It was a mistake." Remus rose to go and, desperately, Sirius grabbed a hold of his hand, protesting, "No, Remus, please-"

"Enough, Sirius! I don't want to talk about it." Remus tried in vain to free his hand from Sirius' grasp, but Sirius was far too determined to let that happen. "That's fine, Moony," He whined, "We don't have to talk about-" "Sirius, Let me go!" Remus demanded, struggling in earnest to escape. "No!" Sirius cried with a firm tug that landed Remus on the floor, sprawled across Sirius' lap. Remus sighed heavily before meeting his eyes, and Sirius swore he could see the beginnings of tears prickling in the corners of his eyes. Just like that, he knew he would do anything to keep them from falling.

"Sirius, please, I don't want to talk-" but he was cut off by Sirius wrapping his hand behind his neck and pulling him into a brief kiss. "I don't want to talk either, Moony." He whispered before pulling him into another kiss. He didn't respond at first, but when Sirius prodded his sealed lips lightly, seeking to deepen the kiss, he opened up completely. Though it was much less urgent that the kiss of the night before, it was definitely leaps and bounds better. Without the dampening affects of alcohol, Sirius felt Remus exploring his mouth much more diligently, and he returned the favor hungrily, pleasantly surprised to hear Remus moan into the kiss. But then his moans became more insistent, and more like protests than sounds of pleasure, until suddenly Sirius was shoved against the library wall, watching as Remus smoothed any wrinkles in his clothing and gathered his things before starting to scamper off. Right before he left the library, he turned and regarded Sirius with a stony stare. "I don't know what you think you're playing at, Black, but it's not funny and I won't have any part in it."

Before Sirius could call out after him, He was gone.


End file.
